The following friday khutbah
(sermon) delivered by Hesham Hassaballa, as part of a nationwide effort to
focus on domestic violence by muslim Americans today.
We praise ALLAH, the Almighty, the
Precious Beloved. All praise is due to Him. We seek refuge in the Lord from the
evil tendencies of our selves and from the evil of our actions. We bear witness
that there is nothing worthy of worship except ALLAH alone, and we bear witness
that Muhammad (pbuh) is ALLAH’s Messenger and Servant.
Whomever ALLAH guides can never be
misguided. Yet, whosoever ALLAH leaves to stray can never be guided aright
except by His leave. We ask the Precious Beloved to send down His Mercy, His
Prayers, and His blessings upon Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), upon his family, his
companions, and the Muslims everywhere. Amen.
By now, everyone has heard of the
truly outrageous and barbaric murder of Sister Aasiya Zubair, the estranged
wife of the CEO of Bridges TV, who was found brutally beheaded in the offices
of that TV station. Allegedly, her husband has confessed to her murder, and the
incident has sent shockwaves all throughout the Muslim community in America.
Of course, the haters of Islam and
Muslims are all over this, claiming that this is expected from Islam and
Muslims. That contention is completely false. Domestic violence is a problem
that transcends race, culture, color, and religion. It is a scourge that
contaminates every society and socioeconomic status. It is a stain on the human
condition, and to blame Islam for it is totally unfair.
Nevertheless, it is irrefutable that
there is a big problem with domestic violence in the Muslim community. Refusing
to say so in the interest of “not saying anything bad about Muslims” will not
make it go away. It is, in fact, treason to the Muslim community, as one of the
first things one must do in order to cure a disease is to recognize that the
ailment exists in the first place. Denial is deadly.
The brutal and barbaric murder of
sister Aasiya is a wake up call to our community that something must be done
about domestic violence, and it must be done now. And it is a horrific state of
affairs that such a brutal event had to take place in order to jolt the Muslim
community into action.
Let us reflect over what marriage is
supposed to be about. True, it is the vehicle through which sexual desire is
legally satisfied. But that is a very small part of marriage. To get married is
to enter into a contract with another human being to form the unit through
which society is strengthened and the next generation is nurtured. The family
unit is sacrosanct in Islam, and this sanctity begins with marriage.
And in the Qur’an, the images of
marriage are ones of peace, harmony, love, and tranquility. In chapter 30,
verse 21, it says: And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates
from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has
put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that are signs for those
who reflect.
ALLAH describes it as a sign, or
miracle, that He gave us mates from among ourselves. The Arabic word of the
verse is taskunu: meaning a place where someone feels at “home,” as the word
for home, sakan, comes from the same root word.
In another verse, the Qur’an
describes spouses thus: They are your garments, and you are their garments.
(2:187) What does a garment do? It protects one from the elements of heat and
cold; it hides the faults that are hidden below the garment; it covers what
should not be seen by others; and it also adorns and makes the wearer
beautiful. That is the perfect description of what spouses do for one another.
Domestic violence and spousal abuse
completely destroys that Qur’anic standard of love, mercy, tranquility, and
protection. It betrays everything for which Islam calls in a marriage. It is
blatant disobedience to ALLAH Almighty.
What does one try to accomplish by
abusing his or her spouse? Achieving power? Achieving domination over another
human being? Are they trying to enslave another human being? Why abuse one’s
spouse? What logical explanation can there be?
There is no logical explanation.
Spousal abuse – whether mental or physical – is totally and wholly
unacceptable. Period. End of discussion.
Power lies only with the All-Powerful:
All power belongs to ALLAH, and to His Messenger, and to those who believe…
(63:8) True power does not come from dominating your spouse. No! True power
comes from believing in God, being from among the believers, and following His
commands and those of His Messenger (pbuh).
To those who abuse their spouses:
Are you better than the Messenger of ALLAH (pbuh)? Do you think the advice of
the Beloved Prophet (pbuh) was not worthy enough? Was his example not shining
enough?
The Prophet (pbuh) said in a hadith:
“Could any of you beat his wife as he would beat a slave, and then lie with her
in the evening?” In another hadith, he said: “Do not beat the female servants
of ALLAH.” The Prophet (pbuh) never beat or struck any of his wives or
children. It never happened. Is this not a good enough example for all of us?
Indeed, there will arise disputes
among husband and wife. Yet, no matter how difficult the dispute may be,
physical violence can never, ever, ever be an option. Never.
All of this that we discussed is on
an individual level – between husband and wife. On a community level, we must
get extremely serious about the issue of domestic violence. There must be zero
tolerance for domestic violence. If any sister comes forward and claims to be
in fear for her life at home, she must be take with the utmost of seriousness.
She must be supported, protected, and the claim must be investigated.
There is no shame upon them if they
come forward and report abuse, and they must not be made to feel ashamed. Our
imams and community leaders must not tell the sisters to “be patient” with an
abusive husband. Our communities must establish strong ties with social service
organizations that help the victims of spousal abuse, and there are several
excellent such organizations right here in Chicago as well as across the
country.
We must teach our children,
especially our young men, that to be a “man” does not mean beating one’s wife
into submission. That is not a measure of strength, but rather profound and
pathetic weakness. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “The strong man is not one who can
wrestle someone to the ground. Rather, the strong man is the one who can
control himself when he gets angry.” We all must heed this Prophetic wisdom.
If we know that a man is an abuser,
he must not be allowed to marry again and continue the cycle of abuse. Imam
Mohamed Hagmagid Ali of the ADAMS center in Virginia first made that call, and
I echo it. Sister Aasiya was the third wife of her accused killer, and the two
other women filed for divorce because of spousal abuse. How could this be? It
does not matter who the man is; if he is a abuser, and does not want to change,
then he should not be allowed to marry. Period.
My heart bleeds for the family of
sister Aasiya. My heart bleeds for this terrible tragedy. My heart bleeds for
the countless other women – Muslim and otherwise – who endure terror at home at
the hands of those who should be their best and closest companions.
And my heart burns with rage at
those who think that beating their wives is sanctioned by our beautiful faith.
They are terribly mistaken. Islam does nothing of the sort, and God does not
accept this terrible behavior. Neither should the Muslim community.
Wake up, Muslim community! Wake up!
There must never be another Aasiya Zubair. There must never be another instance
of an “honor killing.” Nay, from this day forward, there must never be another
spouse who goes home to a place where she does not feel safe. As Muslims, who
are accountable before ALLAH on the Day of Judgment, we must eradicate the
stain that is domestic violence from our community, once and for all.
AND ALLAH KNOWS BEST.
Hesham A. Hassaballa is a Chicago doctor and writer. He is
co-author of the Beliefnet Guide to Islam, is Deputy Director of Illume
Magazine, and blogs at God Faith Pen.
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